


Mother Nature('s a Bitch)

by Satella



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry gets whammied by some broad who gives him a taste of Mother Nature's Gift, Comedy, Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack, I'm forever alone so I live vicariously through fanfic, M/M, Not GenBend but kinda?, Probably not tho bc not confident in my adulting skills, Romance, and len's amazing fingers, but only temporary, definitely temporary genbend now, did he play piano?, he should, hopefully smut, it just takes a couple of weeks, like I seriously don't know what the ding dang doodily this is tbh, not really - Freeform, seriously fucking stupid tho, will probably take true love's kiss to break the spell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2018-08-14 04:56:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7999381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satella/pseuds/Satella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time, an extremely attractive yet somehow self conscious hero named Barry Allen was enjoying his time away from work. With more than enough PTO, he thought he would be able to squeeze in a little time to chill before real life got to him. But alas, the Flash is a hero. He is not allowed a day off. No matter what, some dickhead Meta has to come along and ruin his life. He's used to getting whammied by the weird-ass powers these people have. This time, though? He got a little more than he bargained for.<br/>Captain Cold is pretty cute though, and he's got great hands, especially for massaging all those tense muscles Barry has. But seriously, how do women handle this shit? He doesn't understand why his insides are revolting against him and his emotions keep running off on tangents. Maybe he can find some comfort in a somewhat ally/nemesis? And maybe something a little more?</p><p>tl;dr </p><p>Watch Team Flash bond with the Rogues over Barry's current, temporary condition. And maybe, just maybe, watch Captain Cold's heart thaw, just a little. For his favorite Scarlet Speedster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Yes this is ridiculous, yes I know, and no, I haven't proofread or beta'd this. So many errors, I'm willing to bet. You spot any worth noting, shoot me a line. I'd appreciate it. Gonna go hibernate now, deuces.  


* * *

  
  
Why did these things always have to happen to Barry? He was a sweet, nice, funny guy. Incredibly handsome and insanely intelligent. Sure, from time to time he lets his emotions get the best of him, but, all-in-all, for someone so perfect, he has had his share of hurt and heartache.

 

His mother was murdered, his father was imprisoned for half his life, the scientist he admired and worked with turned out to be, essentially, a serial killer, and he gets his ass handed to him nightly by the meta humans unleashing their anger in downtown Central City. Not to mention his sometimes nemesis, other times extremely distant ally, Captain Cold. And his Rouges, of course.

 

Barry had a soft spot for that man and his sister… And maybe his second in command. That didn’t change the fact they were criminals and would need to earn his trust (which was always on shaky ground, no matter how much Mick tried to reconcile and Lisa flirted.) They had wronged him and his team in the past. But he liked them. Obviously they butt heads when the Rouge leader feels it is time for him to pull another heist, but, all-in-all, they have developed a tentative and slightly enjoyable relationship. It also kinda-sorta helps that he is insanely attractive.

 

When they first met, face to face, officially, Barry may or may not have swooned.

 

So, why does life always have to be a bitch for one Barry Allen? He always brushes his teeth, flosses before bed, and hates to hurt people. Why does life always have to hurt him instead?

 

A new meta has been banging around town screwing with people and their everyday lives. No sweat, right? No. No, no, no, no, no. Of course the Flash can’t have one day off without the petty lowlifes ruining his vacation. Sure, the Flash can’t go on extended leave, but Barry Allen can. He finally accrued enough paid time off to take some time for him to relax. And what decides to happen? Assholes pillaging through his territory fucking shit up.

 

This meta was a woman with a wicked grin and bitchy persona. She enjoyed terrorizing people, hurting and taking whatever she wants, and, all-in-all, just being one big ol’ ball of suck. Just like any other super-criminal. Well, almost. Certain slightly-yet-not -so-slightly-reformed-and-incredibly-attractive criminals who shall remain nameless.

 

Unlike others who could fly, had super strength, or even teleport, this woman could manipulate the laws of nature. Shaping biology to her whim. Sure, things would revert back to their primitive states, but they would enjoy taking their time while they did it.

 

Cisco had a blast naming this one. Barry could feel himself groan as he steeled himself for the inevitable fight.

 

“Back down, Mother Nature!” Did he really just say that? I mean, yeah, he has used a meta’s villainous name before, and yeah he also doesn’t know her original identity, but come on. How can he seriously say ‘Mother Nature’ without feeling like a complete idiot? Captain Cold and Heat Wave are cooler names than that… Barely. But still.

 

A bone-chilling cackle echoed from above him, the woman gazing down at him from her perch in a tree. Her legs dangling off the side as she tauntingly stared him down. He could be up there… Well… In a flash (ba-dum-tss). But he was afraid of what coming in close contact with this woman would do. He has seen the aftermath of some of her destruction. He didn’t want to anger or startle her, as that would be-very not good-horrible-bad-whatever else you can think of that is the opposite of swell.

 

Ever see a doe maul a hunter? A bright-eye, bushy-tailed doe? No? Good. You don’t want to. It’s crazy what this woman can do. He thought she could just manipulate plants. Nope. She’s got the whole enchilada under her belt. Animals, people, anything that pretty much is made of earthly materials. She couldn’t fully manipulate the human mind (due to cognitive thought), but she could sure as hell fuck them up physically. Give ‘em a snout, wings, a tail, whatever she thought she was blessing them with that day.

 

 

“My, my. What have we here? Is that my favorite doe-eyed, Scarlet Speedster? How ya doin’ down there, Red?” Her fiery hair flowed comfortably in a breeze that suddenly washed through the park while something rippled over her pale, emerald skin. Shit. I guess we’re starting early, huh?

 

A vine began winding down the tree and onto the ground, licking at Barry’s boots. Quickly, he moved out of the way and raced around the tree, trying to scope out a weak spot.

 

“Why do all you metas have to use your powers for evil? I didn’t. It would be so nice to have someone have my back once in a while.” Just as he said that, he immediately regretted his phrasing as the vine that had slowly been following him, wrapped speedily around his torso gripping him tightly, lifting him slightly into the air.

 

“You mean like this?” She giggled maniacally and Barry rolled his eyes, phasing through the vine and falling to the ground below. “Oh come now, dear. Don’t be like that. Just think: Where would you be without us?”

 

He scoffed as she hopped down from her perch, slowly approaching him. He really wished he didn’t have a problem hitting girls first. I mean, wrestling with Iris was one thing, but hitting a woman who hadn’t even thrown a punch yet? It seemed somehow wrong to him. She throws one first, he has no problem taking her down. But even with his normal breed of meta, he always tries to coax them down and give them the benefit of the doubt before incapacitating them. Probably why his ass is always handed to him.

 

This woman could be good if she wanted to. She could also be much worse than she is. As things stand now, she is basically just an adult bully. Not a full murderer. Well, not yet. He can see slight kindness deep down. He just needs to pull it out of her before she loses herself to her power.

 

“I would probably be enjoying my vacation time, honestly,” he spoke as he slowly backed away from the now rapidly approaching woman.

 

Cisco finally decided to pop in to his current endeavor, of course. How sweet. Only like, fifteen minutes late. “Just try to get close enough to pop those dampening cuffs on her. If you can do that, you’ll be able to get her back to the Pipeline without a hitch.”

 

He snorted. So _simple_. Simply _profound_. He really needed to have a talk with Cisco about missions and how simple they are _not_.

 

“Face it Flash. Deep down you like having baddies like us to fight. Know why?” The woman was taunting him, he just knew it.

 

Barry looked around him and took stock of the woodland creatures trickling in around him. Where the hell did those things come from? They are in a _public_ park in the heart of Central? Uh, last he checked, they only had birds?

 

“Enlighten me, please. Where, oh where, would little old me be?”

 

Jumping to the left, he dodged an oncoming projectile and a lunging… Gopher?

“You’d be out of a job, sweetheart. You may complain about us, you may even claim you see good in every one of us, but, deep down, you don’t want us to change. Your life was boring before that particle accelerator exploded and now—now you feel the rush of combat. If we quit coming after you, you would become us.”

 

Barry was astounded at the pure audacity of the woman. He continued backing up until he was cornered into a tree, contemplating the best way to get the woman’s hands cuffed. Anger was seeping through his pores with each step she took, advancing toward him. Finally, an opportunity presented itself. Her hands rose and contorted themselves, fingers crackling loudly between them. Raising a single eyebrow, Barry’s hands shot out and quickly slapped the cuffs onto the woman.

 

Her smile quickly dropped from her face as fear flooded her features.

 

“What the hell did you just do?”

 

All the vines in the area fell to the ground with soft plops echoing around as all the creatures in the areas returned to where they came from.

 

“It didn’t hurt you. It just rendered you useless. I’m taking you with me.”

 

And just like that, he grabbed her tightly and zipped off to Star Labs. “Cisco, have me a pod ready, I have a delivery to make.”

 

“Roger that, Captain!”

 

Barry appeared before Cisco even had the chance to move from his chair. Sprinting to the entrance, Barry followed at a more human pace, holding the wriggling ball of anger in his arms.

 

“Let me go! Let me go or you won’t know until it’s too late!”

 

Rolling his eyes, he deposited the woman in the cell.

 

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you go until we have your meta cell prepped at the precinct. One more thing, _sweetheart_ , I am nothing like you. Nor will I ever be.”

 

And with that, Barry made to exit the accelerator. But something froze him to the floor. Hearing that bloodcurdling cackle actually freaked him out for a little bit. “Whatever you say sweet cheeks. I just hope you know you’re in for a little surprise. Have a good night, pretty boy.”

 

Shaking it off, Barry strode out of the particle accelerator exuding confidence he didn’t actually possess. Surprise?

 

* * *

 

Cue Barry, about three days later, running to the Central City Art Museum. Of course. Of. Fucking. Course. Barry hadn’t seen or spoken to Captain Cold in about two weeks now. And with Snart and his posse being out of town, aside from… Mother Nature… Barry was finally able to enjoy his time off, between quickly solved petty thefts and battery, so much so, that he forgot this was the week of the traveling Egyptian exhibit.

 

Shit.

 

Just as he flashed into the main hallway, he was stuck to the floor. Looking down, he took stock of the ice that was grounding him. It somehow seemed different from the usual. Thicker and… Colder? If that was at all possible?

 

“Hey there, Scarlet. How’s my favorite little hero been in my absence?”

 

Dontblushdontblushdontblushdontletmyvoicefalterohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshhessocute.  
  
Confusion flitted across his face as his thoughts threw him through a loop. He quickly turned off his comms muttering a ‘be right back, Cisco,’ just so he wouldn’t be able to hear Barry potentially flirting with his rival. Wait, what? Since when did he actually acknowledge that he flirted with Leonard Snart? And why was his mind running a mile a minute with petty teenage-girl-ish thoughts?

 

Think fast, Allen. Play it cool. Don’t say anything embarrassing.

 

“Pretty good, actually. Been enjoying a well deserved break. And yourself?” He asked casually, slowly hitting the heating button installed on the side of his gloves, feet slowly (moreso than usual) being rendered mobile again. Man it was great Cisco finally got around to making him able to heat the suit himself.

 

A soft smile echoed across Leonard Snart’s face before it landed in his usual smirk. “Incredibly bored. Haven’t been challenged in nearly two weeks. Getting kinda restless, you know?”

 

Barry scoffed, anger flashing through him as he slowly took a step forward.

 

“Is this just a game to you?” He hissed out. Why was he so pissed off? Why was he being a dick to Captain Cold. Talk about moody! _Come on Allen, get your shit together!_ “You think you can just dick around and waste my time? Not all of us like being toyed with!”

 

Snart took a step back, shock flashing across his face, just for a moment before his eyes narrowed.

 

“Has Bivolo gotten to you?” He could hear the tense anger in Leonard’s tone, barely being kept at bay. Something calculating flooded his piercing blue gaze.

 

“No, that piece of filth hasn’t gotten to me. I don’t have to be sunshine and rainbows at all times. I’m so sick of everyone thinking I’m this sweet, puppy-like fool.” Barry angrily cracked his knuckles and slammed a fist into a nearby vase for emphasis, shards cascading around his tightly wound fingers.

 

And just like that, the anger dissipated and faded into something else.

 

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” He could feel the hot tears building up in his eyes. “I don’t know what’s going on right now.” The sound of his voice cracking as the tears cut loose was more than enough to shock Snart into slowly moving toward him.

 

“Barry I-”

 

Barry’s eyes shot open in shock. No matter how much he loved hearing the older man whisper his name, he was filled with fear. Who knew who Len was connected to on the other end of his earpiece? He just said Barry's name. Now, he didn't give away his last name, but that led Barry to believing whoever was on his team at the exact moment may or may not have known some vital information...

“You said you’d keep my secret!” More tears flooded his now bloodshot eyes. Why the fuck was he crying? He felt like a girl going through PMS with how rapid his mood swings are. Maybe he really did accidentally run in with Bivolo and he didn't know it? This shit is getting really weird and out of hand. Why is his life this way?

Snart stopped short of reaching Barry, extremely confused at the situation and unsure how to advance from there.

 

“I’m not working with the Rogues. It’s just me and Lisa tonight. And besides, she already knew it was you because Ramon can’t keep his big mouth shut around her.” Barry let out a soft chuckle [that definitely sounded like Cisco] before collapsing onto the ground with a painful hiss.

 

He clutched his middle as he began sobbing, tears prickling once again at the edges, threatening to continue drowning him as the stabbing pains in his abdomen caused him to cry out. Cold quickly dropped down and placed a comforting hand on Barry’s back as he wrapped his other around the hero. Barry quickly latched onto Len as the pain intensified.

 

“What’s going on in there?” Lisa asked through their comms.

 

“Text your boyfriend that we gotta hit Star Labs. Something’s wrong with Barry.”

 

“Roger.”

 

“Barry, I’m going to pick you up, okay?”

 

All he got in response was a soft whimper from the lithe brunette in his arms. Gingerly, he eased out of Barry’s grasp and slipped his arms underneath him, lifting him into a bridal carry. Barry’s arms snaked around Captain Cold’s- _the_ Captain Cold’s-throat as he nuzzled into the older man’s chest. Sobs and gasps of pain still escaping his lips.

 

Every part of his lower abdomen was spasming and it hurt beyond belief. The warmth was nice, though. More than nice. It was great. He’s never been closer to the older man.

 

Okay seriously. What the fuck is wrong with him?


	2. Helping Hand

Barry continued writhing in pain on the table in the med bay, viciously squeezing his lower abdomen and the hand that Len had subtly snaked into his personal space. Concerned looks bounced around the room until Caitlin finally arrived with the results of his recent test. Confusion laced her features as she continued reading through the papers in her hands, and it didn’t fail to remain as she took in the form of Leonard Snart, still lingering in the room, fingers in a deadlock with Barry’s own. He barely moved an inch since the moment he sat Barry down.

 

“Barry, I uh…. Well, I have some… Unfortunate news...” For the first time in her life, Caitlin Snow was incredibly uncomfortable and at a loss for words. Ever since she met Barry Allen, her life has been a whirlwind of emotion, not to mention an insane amount of crazy. Meta-humans, super heroes, super villains, and the occasional anti-hero paint the streets of her beloved city. After a period of time, one tends to accept the abnormal as their own personal normal. But, for once, this is… Well… Extremely unexpected…?

 

“Just get on with it!” He gasped out as another wave of pain echoed through him. Captain Cold, the Flash’s true nemesis (but not really)/not so bad of a guy/kind of hot/extremely nerdy/not so crush/but totally for sure crush, was clenching his jaw, partly wanting to whisper words of comfort to the Scarlet Speedster, partly wanting to throttle the Good Doctor until he figured out what was going on with HIS hero.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about this privately?”

 

The room grew quiet as confusion and concern was painted across everyone’s face, Cisco and Snart were sharing a look with one another. “Caitlin, I just want to get this over with. Please.” Hearing the pleading tone of his voice was heartbreaking, so she quickly moved on, setting up an IV for their “Flash Friendly” high capacity morphine.

 

“Cisco, please escort our guest into the hall. I am not sure this is a conversation that should take place in front of anyone who is not Barry or myself.”

 

Cisco nodded quietly as Len reluctantly slipped his fingers from Barry’s grasp and followed him out of the room, the door quietly closing behind him, but not before he could make a final look at the young man lying on the medical cot, clutching his center. Briefly, they made eye contact and Barry could swear that he could see concern and fear swirling in the blue depths, accompanied by the slight scrunching of his eyebrows.

 

Once Caitlin heard the soft click, she turned to the machines around the room, her eyes dancing across each surface before finally landing on the soft, confused, pain-filled hazel stare of her friend.

 

“To put it simply, Barry, you’re experiencing Premenstrual Syndrome.”

 

.

.

.

“What?”

 

“Barry, I said you’re experiencing-”

 

“I heard what you said!” he cried, cutting Caitlin off. “What do you mean I’m experiencing it?! Last I checked, I didn’t have those parts.”

 

“I know you’re freaking out right now, as I assume we all are. But that doesn’t make this any less true. Whatever Mother Nature whammied you with… It changed your biology. I’m fairly certain it will wear off soon, just like with Bivolo’s powers, but that doesn’t make this any less real. I checked the ultrasound of your abdomen, your blood, and your oral fluids. I ran every test I could because I assumed I was just going crazy. I don’t know how she did it, but...”

 

“Holy shit...” Barry whispered into the silence, slowly sinking his head into his hands, “You experience this every month?!”

 

Caitlin chuckled slightly at him, “Well, yes and no. Obviously every woman is different, but your case is unique because you did not previously have the organs necessary to experience this. Of course men have peaks and plummets with their hormones in a similar manner, but they are not really the same. And since your body did not previously have the organs, her powers warped your tissue and replicated it, forcing a false uterus to grow in your lower abdomen, which is what I believe has been causing the intense contractions in your abdominal area. But due to your meta-human make-up, it seems that this is going to be worse than a usual case of PMS.”

 

He could see the concern in her eyes, and also the pity, “I’m really sorry, Barry...”

 

* * *

 

 

 

By the time Barry and Caitlin emerged from the med bay, Leonard Snart was gone, and Cisco was sitting alone at the console in the center of the cortex.

 

Barry was _not_ disappointed. Not in the slightest.

 

So why did he feel a slight twinge in his gut at the loss of a certain pun-making villain’s presence?

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Barry’s life could not get any worse, could it? Not only was he being cursed with Mother Nature’s Gift, he was told by the bitch herself that her gifts can take up to a month to wither away. And according to her, she couldn’t fix it. (Probably total bullshit if you ask him, but hey. A month isn’t so bad, right? What’s the worst that could happen?)

 

Barry should really learn to keep his mouth shut. Especially when a tall, broad-shouldered man with a great ass was knocking on the door to his apartment. He managed to trudge lightly to the door to answer the knock, not bothering to check through the peephole. Such a perfect package was not what he expected to see on his doorstep.

 

“...Captain Cold?” His voice was small and cracked, his hair was a mess, and his bloodshot eyes and rumpled clothes were probably the least of his worries.

 

“Barry, you know, when it’s just the two of us, I’m okay with you calling me Len.”

 

He loved what that voice did to him. Chills and tingles flew up and down his spine with each syllable of the man’s sentence. Villainous or not, he was attractive. His piercing blue eyes would immediately capture anyone’s attention, followed by his well-toned physique. But, more than that, he was so incredibly intelligent. No matter what he was doing, whether it be casing a job or helping a friend, he planned down to every last, minute detail. He was observant, fun, witty, and had so, so many horrible puns. Especially the cold puns. Everything about this man screamed perfection, but Barry didn’t know why he was suddenly bringing all his hidden feelings to surface. Sure, he thought these things in private over the years of knowing the other man, but why are they all hitting him now? Full force?

 

“...Okay… Len… What uh...What are you doing here?” Play it cool, Allen. No pun intended…

 

“Well, I come bearing gifts,” he said, holding up the plastic bags in his hands. One was full of sugary sweets ranging from chocolate bars to ice cream, the other was packed with various movie titles. “I raised my sister through the years and I learned the protocol for things like this. Sugar and horrible movies are the key to survival.”

 

“...Who told you? Was it Cisco? It was Cisco, wasn’t it? I’m going to kill him!” Barry had to fight to keep his voice level, embarrassment seeped through his pores as a faint pink dusted his cheeks. He clutched the door frame a little tighter and began shrugging into himself, feeling incredibly exposed when standing across from that intense, calculating gaze.

 

“Scarlet, do you know who I am? I am not called the World’s Greatest Thief for nothing. Besides, Ramon may be easy to break, but I’m not the same man I was two years ago. I have changed and I do not wish to take advantage or harm you or your friends.”

 

By this point in the conversation, Barry was feeling like a gaping fish. He was astounded by the words easing their way out of that beautiful, perfectly sculpted mouth.

 

_Focus, Barry._

 

“Oh yeah? And why am I supposed to believe that? And if you didn’t talk to Cisco, that means you did some digging, which definitely points me to believing that you are the same man.” _Better. Sounding more like the Flash and less like a bumbling idiot._

 

“Well, if the fact that I have honored our agreement and have been sticking to petty crime isn’t enough… Oh, and not to mention time traveling with your pal Firestorm… Then you will have to take my presence here as a civilian, bearing comfort foods and movies as proof. If that’s not enough for you, I guess I will just have to prove it in time.” Len did not seem the slightest bit offended by Barry’s accusatory tone, seeming to accept that as punishment for how he had treated Barry in the past. And his tone even slipped into something a bit different.

 

If Barry didn’t know better… He would almost say that he thought Snart...Len… Was flirting with him.

 

“So, may I be welcomed into your humble abode? Or should I just force my way in? Like it or not, you’re going to have some _cool_ company tonight, Red,” Len’s eyes held no heat. _God, now even I am making these awful puns._ He genuinely looked like he wanted nothing more than to be here as almost… maybe a friend?

 

That awful cold pun was all it took for Barry to snap out of his embarrassed and hostile daze and quickly move out of the way, a slight quirk made its way to his lips.

 

“Is it possible for you to go a single day or social interaction without making one of your terrible puns? I swear, anytime you open your mouth, you have to say something alluding to your alter ego,” Barry said, following behind Len to the couch in his apartment, using his super speed to quickly tidy up and snatch a chocolate bar from the other man’s plastic bag.

 

“Oh, you love them and you know it, Barry.”

 

Another shiver went up and down Barry’s spine at hearing his nemesis(?) using his first name. It sounded almost sinful when it escaped those lips, something Barry relished every time it happened (which, honestly, was not all that often. He needed to figure out a way to cause it to be a regular occurrence because it did delicious things to him.)

 

“Whatever you say, _Lenny,”_ the young brunet could not hide the smirk that grew on his face when he saw the slight irritation flicker across Len’s features with the nickname. Back when he had worked with Lisa Snart, he recalled how she also called him Lenny. His reaction then was no different from now. Well, except this time he was only _slightly_ less exasperated. 

 

Barry gestured for his companion to sit on the couch while he turned on his Xbox.

 

“So, alongside the chocolate, which is delicious, might I add, and your presence,” he said with a cheeky grin, obnoxiously breaking off another block of the chocolate and shoving it in his mouth, causing Len to pucker his lips in a displeased manner, “what other surprises am I in for this evening? What movies are on the agenda?”

 

Len shuffled around and pulled the DVDs out of the plastic bag he brought, carefully and meticulously lining up the titles on the table in alphabetical order.

 

“That, dear Scarlet, is completely up to you, however, if you would like my vote, I am quite partial to this series...” he trailed off, digging around in the bag with the chocolate, pulling out a battered box set.

 

“...Supernatural? I did not take you for a fanboy, Len.”

 

He shrugged, a small smile gracing his face as he leaned back on the couch and allowed Barry to peruse the small selection he had brought with him.  The titles before him ranged from  _Accepted_ to  _Star Trek,_ which, to be completely honest, he assumed Barry would choose that, simply because he didn’t bring Star Wars (which most people find to be superior, but not Len).

 

“Supernatural it is! I haven’t had the chance to sit down and watch this in months! Cisco and I haven’t been having our weekly bro nights lately. It’s something to do with all the theft happening in the art districts and downtown.”

 

Len only grinned wider, staring at his lap as Barry began firing up the first disk. When he finally looked up, he was incredibly grateful to be graced with the scene in front of him. Barry’s tight jogging sweats perfectly accentuated the outline of his ass as he was bent over the entertainment center.

 

Barry finally snatched up the controller and moved to plop down on the couch next to Len, leaving a couple feet of distance between the two. It was strange that Barry was so willing to trust Len with sitting in his living room. There was no point in even questioning how he was found, as Len was capable of finding out any information on the planet that is worth knowing.

 

“I would like to take a moment to seriously thank you for coming over and doing this… It’s really weird, but I can’t say that I am too surprised. Ever since I got struck by lightning, my entire life has been weird.”

 

Len looked up, once again locking eyes with him, clearing his throat before he spoke while quickly looking away, “No need to thank me, Barry. Contrary to what happens to us on the streets, I find myself to be… A bit concerned with your well being. Just don’t go telling people I’m doing this. Wouldn’t want them to think I’m going soft. I have a reputation to protect.”

 

The most adorable pink hue danced across his pale cheeks, causing Barry to delight in the slight embarrassment the other man experienced while also appreciating the raw, rare honesty littering the conversation between them.

 

Deciding to drop the topic for the time being, Barry quickly started the disk and let the first episode begin to play. After the first five minutes passed, Barry felt Len shifting slightly, raising up his arms and putting them on either side of the back of the couch, stretching out and getting comfortable. His hand was slightly brushing Barry’s shoulder, and Barry immediately felt heat flooding through him from where the minuscule amount of contact was taking place.

 

As the episode had passed, Barry and Len began subtly shifting closer to one another on the couch, pressed next to one another over the course of an hour. Barry was nervous at first, while Len did not want to assume. Eventually, around two hours into their evening, Barry’s head was leaning on the older man’s shoulder while the latter began snaking his arm around the brunet’s shoulders.

 

Len finally decided to take the plunge and placed his large hand on Barry’s right arm, slowly rubbing comforting circles into it as he kept his eyes glued to the screen. He could feel hazel eyes subtly glancing over to his face every few seconds, casting a look of confusion and bewilderment, slowly followed by warmth and thankfulness.

 

Just as Barry was about to place a tentative hand on Len’s chest, he felt an intense twinge of pain fluttering through his lower back, forcing him to shoot off the couch and hiss.

 

“Fuck me!” Barry gritted out, pressing his hands to his back, attempting to apply enough pressure to alleviate some of the pain.

 

Len had to hold his tongue, a quick quip just on the tip, as he immediately sat up, deciding to attempt to help Barry.

 

“Scarlet, lay down on the couch. I might be able to help you a little bit, if you trust me enough, that is,” he said, beginning to roll up the sleeves on his Henley.

 

If Barry wasn’t so desperate for the pain to leave (and wasn’t recovering from the intimate Supernatural viewing with an extremely attractive man) he would have put up more of a fight with giving in to the request of a Rogue. But Barry was in extreme pain. And he had even managed to enjoy his night so far with Len, reflecting on the commentary they made throughout the last few episodes. He could trust the man for tonight. Considering the fact that earlier in the day he was the same man who scooped him up and deposited him at Star Labs and stayed with him as long as he could, going so far as to keep him wrapped up in those delicious arms, Barry could afford to trust him. Hell, he was already in Barry’s apartment with him. If he was going to make a move, he would have done so already. And if this was a distraction for Barry so that the Rogues could pillage as they pleased, he would have heard from Cisco by now on his emergency Flash alert.

 

He decided to do as he was told, and slowly began unfolding, stretching slightly before he laid down on the couch.

 

“Is it okay if I touch you, Barry?”

 

He slowly looked up, his eyes meeting those beautiful blue orbs. When Len stared, he _stared_. That gaze was capable of making you feel like you had his completely undivided, devoted attention. This wonderfully devious man made Barry feel like he was the only person in the world, just with one look.

 

Deciding to try and act somewhat normal, he decided to load his response with a little bit of sass. And maybe a hint of flirtation.

 

But he will just blame the hormones on that.

 

“If you think you can handle it, Cold.”

 

The smirk he was rewarded with was so delightful, it stirred something deep within him. If he wasn’t in so much pain, he would probably be turned on by the tension in the room alone. Regardless of who you were, if you saw the Flash and Captain Cold in action, you could see sparks fly, whether it be between the intense stares that they shared or the playful banter, the chemistry was there. People often just tried to ignore it.

 

It seemed like Barry and Len were beginning to acknowledge the potential that often lingered in the air between them.

 

Softly, his fingers began to ghost over the base of Barry’s spine, finding the best place to dig in. Barry could feel the goosebumps rippling across his skin, eagerly awaiting more of the touch that was on its way.

 

He slowly began digging his fingers into the muscles of Barry’s lower back, attempting to coax the knots from its surface. A soft whimper made its way from Barry’s lips, the pain mingling with the tentative relief creating a cocktail of conflict in his body.

 

“Scarlet, this would probably be better if you lost the shirt.”

 

_Oh holy hell._

 

There is no way Barry Allen was going to survive this night in one piece.

 

“Whatever you say, _Captain_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, I definitely didn't forget about this story. Life just definitely sucks. I'm not putting it on hiatus, as I intend to try and write a little bit each day to battle this awful writers' block. 
> 
> Though, this story isn't all that high in quality compared to my personal work. I apologize for the inevitable plethora of mistakes and the awful, overall construction. This kind of just got thrown together while I was in a group call with my friends, fading in and out of bursts of writing.
> 
> I apologize for the crack(y) concept and possible OOC-ness for anyone you might see. This will probably be a multi-chapter story, but I am just not sure how long it will span. I just know the direction I want to take with it.
> 
> For anyone who actually reads this, I am definitely impressed with you. You're pretty much a hero for taking the time to read this trash.
> 
> Oh yeah, and if it isn't obvious already, I don't own the Flash, nor do I own Supernatural. That's a bit of an obvious one. Owned by CW/DC.


	3. Surprise, Surprise (No seriously, what a fucking surprise?!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things finally get a little serious with Barry and Len.
> 
> But then, ya know.
> 
> Mother Nature had to go and be a bitch.

“Also, before I start, do you happen to have a heating pad or a warm water bottle?” Len asked, seeming genuinely concerned as he looked around.

“Hall closet. There’s an electric blanket on the second shelf from the top,” he whispered, digging his face into the cushion to try and fight back the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

Whatever was going on inside him was pretty fucked up. He was almost certain this wasn’t normal with how intense the pain was. Why did his body have to contort its biology? Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad had he actually been born with these parts. Having someone create an artificial body part using your existing tissue was a bitch!

Len swiftly made his way into the hall and grabbed the blanket, not wasting his time with snooping around, as Barry needed him. And there was no way he would be giving up on any chances to take care of his favorite hero. (He would definitely make time later, hopefully with Barry’s permission, to peruse the younger man’s apartment. Preferably when his speedster was nice and sated after a good night in with the thief.)

“It’s going to take a minute to warm up, but this should definitely help. I will have you lay on it as I get started, okay?” he asked, that breathtaking blue once again seeking out his eyes for confirmation.

Barry just nodded and sat up so he could place the blanket on the couch where he was laying and decided it was time to slip his shirt off.

What he didn’t expect was the harsh intake of breath from the man standing beside the couch.

“Damn Scarlet, and I thought you looked good _in_ the suit!”

Barry’s cheeks turned beet red as he pressed his face into the couch cushion, wishing the blanket was already heated so he could blame it on that.

Should he say something flirty? Ignore it?

It felt like a chance.

Maybe he should take it.

“Too bad I don’t get the same opportunity, Len. I mean, it’s a shame you always wear that large parka. I never get to have a little peekshow, y’know?” he flicked his eyes to the side so he could watch the man’s reaction, unable to believe he said something so ballsy. Maybe this hormonal rush was the kick in the pants he needed to get his shit out there so the older man knew where he stood.

Or maybe he just humiliated himself. Who knows?

Len just smirked down at him, fingers ghosting over the bare skin of Barry’s spine, leaving a trail of goosebumps fluttering across the man’s back. His dick may or may not have twitched. He’d blame that on the influx of new hormones rampaging through his system, just like his bluntness. Definitely not on how hot the other man was. Or how delicious the sensation of his fingertips easing down his back felt. Nope.

“If you wanted a striptease, you could have just said so. Maybe when we get this thing squared away you will get your opportunity,” the man drawled, his voice sending a flicker of want down to Barry’s cock. Again. Maybe. (Definitely.)

“I’d like that,” he managed to rasp out, attempting and failing to bite back a groan as the heat began picking up and Len’s fingers kept a constant pressure on Barry’s lower back where the main source of the pain was.

They spent the next twenty minutes chatting jovially as Len’s deft fingers continued working their magic at the small of Barry’s back, pausing only when Barry would seize up and clench his fists in pain from a wave of contracting muscles. Len tried to keep the conversation light, asking how Barry had been lately, aside from the new development with his body. He asked about the man’s interests, books, movies, anything he could possibly think of to help Barry’s mind wander from the pain.

Barry’s eyes began drooping and his speech began slurring when Len finally decided it was time to send the younger man to bed. He slowly drew his fingers back from digging into Barry’s back and he flicked off the blanket. Hazel eyes softly fluttered open, attempting to focus on the man shuffling things around.

“Len?” he asked, eyes still weighing down.

The man chuckled, coaxing Barry into turning over onto his back.

“It’s time for you to go to sleep, Scarlet,” he whispered, snaking an arm under the man’s knees and another under his arms, hoisting Barry into a bridal carry. The sleepy man just snuggled into the thief’s neck, gripping his shoulders tightly.

“Okay.”

With that, Len began walking to the door at the end of the hall that he suspected was Barry’s room, as there were two other doors that most likely led to a bathroom and either a closet or a guest room. As usual, he was right, storing away the image of Barry’s room: geeky comic posters on the wall, boxes of comics stacked neatly in the corner, a desk covered in what he suspected to be case files, and a bed that looked incredibly comfortable and inviting.

If he played his cards right, he might be able to end up in this room more often than not. But he didn’t want to take the chance that this was a one time thing. He let the feeling of Barry truly wash over him.

Gingerly, he laid Barry on the bed, pulling the covers up and over his legs, attempting to make him comfortable before he left.

He took one last look at the man snuggled into the soft sheets and blankets and sighed longingly under his breath, wishing desperately to join him. Quietly, he turned on his heel and began heading toward the door.

“Goodnight, Barry,” he whispered, nearly shutting the door when the other man’s voice called out to him.

“You can stay, you know.”

Len’s heart picked up in his chest.

He peered through the crack in the door and saw Barry beginning to sit up, patting the empty side of the bed.

“Come on,” he slurred, sleepily rubbing his eyes and gesturing for the man to come back in.

Should he? Was this… Was this something Len was ready for? It’s not like anything would happen, but it’s the fact that he knew he and Barry shared an attraction for one another. Both were interested, if their cat and mouse games were any indicator. What if Barry expected something to come out of this? What if Len did? Would this change things between the two of them?

“I can hear the gears grinding in your head, Leopold,” the man raised an eyebrow at the strange nickname and slowly padded into the room. “Don’t think too hard about it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to share a bed with a good looking guy, I promise. I really want to right now.”

Len chuckled at Barry’s bluntness, not necessarily accustomed to the man being so straightforward toward him. And he also knew that Barry was extremely insecure so he was attempting to make himself feel more comfortable by giving out false bravado in regards to his own appearance.

“Okay, Scarlet. I wouldn’t mind getting cozy next to you. That BDSM gear you wear does wonders, but honestly, the show tonight was more my speed.”

He grinned as Barry bashfully ducked down into his blankets and burrowed deeply into their confines. “You’re welcome to use some sleeping pants in the top right drawer of my dresser,” he huffed out, refusing to resurface.

“What, going au naturel a little too soon for you?” Len snarked, smirking as Barry stiffened up. “I’m joking, Barry.”

He grinned when the man loosened up and kept hiding his face in his blankets and pillows.

Len slowly walked over and opened the drawer, nearly throwing his head back in laughter at what he was met with.

There, on the top of the stack of sleeping pants, was a pair of Captain Cold bottoms. They had snowflakes and blue bursts of color outlining his moniker that was littering the entire pair of pants. Next to that pair in the stack was a pair that was red and covered in lightning bolts.

He knew which pair he was interested in wearing, but it sent his heart soaring when he saw a pair of pajamas inspired by him. In Barry’s dresser. That he wore.

Quickly, he slipped out of his jeans and into the Flash sleeping pants Barry had, grinning to himself as they slid up his legs, falling a little shorter than they should because the slight difference in height between the two. He also made quick work of his sweater, carelessly tossing it to the side with his pants, too eager to return to the speedster in the bed to worry about how he should have folded his clothes beforehand.

He quietly walked over to the opposite side of Barry’s bed and slid under the covers, tensing up slightly when Barry immediately gravitated toward him, like some sort of heat seeking missile. This is Barry we’re talking about. He’s likely tactile by nature. Slowly, he began growing more comfortable by the prospect of a handsome hero wanting to… spoon him in his bed. The tension just slid out of his body and slithered out the door.

“While it’s dark and it’s just the two of us, can we just drop the act? I’m tired of pretending that I don’t want to be snuggled into your side when I sleep. Or pretending that we are enemies in the field. Or pretending I don’t want to devour everything you have to offer. Can we just not pretend? Just for tonight?” he asked, sounding so timid and broken that it sent Len’s heart shattering.

His arms immediately wrapped around the speedster, pulling him as tightly to his chest as he could and attempting to give him the comfort it seemed he needed.

The younger man sighed in relief at the feeling of warmth that being enveloped in the thief’s arms provided, resting his face in the crook of the man’s neck and gently letting his lips flutter against it, relishing in the soft ripple of goosebumps that swept over the older man and the increased pulse of his heart.

“You know, it doesn’t have to be just tonight, Scarlet.”

Barry’s arms tightened around him at what was basically a confession of the man’s mutual feelings. Yeah, they shot the shit and flirted regularly, but it was good to know that someone as attractive as Leonard Snart (seriously Len, your last name is gross, but your first name is _Leonard,_ it’s almost as bad as mine) was interested in him and returned the same kind of interest Barry held.

“I’d like that, Len,” he whispered into the soft column of the man’s throat.

“Besides, if I didn’t stick around, how else would I find out where you got those Captain Cold pajamas? I must know so I can buy a pair for all the Rogues. And Team Flash.”

Barry’s face heated up as he burrowed his face as deeply as possible into the other man’s space, thankful it was dark and the man couldn’t see his embarrassment at forgetting to put his pajamas at the bottom of the pile in his drawer. Thank God he didn’t open Barry’s underwear drawer and see his ‘nIce to see you’ boxers that have snowflakes and the Cold Gun on them. He didn’t think he could live that down.

“Shut up. They were a gift from Cisco.”

He just chuckled and gripped Barry tighter.

“I like these Flash pants quite a bit more. Good luck getting them back.”

 

* * *

 

When morning came, Len didn’t wake up because of the ray of light gently shining through the closed blinds and curtains (Barry seriously needed black-out gear) but because of a slight tickling sensation on his nose. He just tightened his arms around the younger man who snuggled closer into him and buried his face into the hair laying about on the pillow.

Wait a second, hair?

He cracked an eye open and had to contain a startled yell.

There was a mop of chestnut hair fanned out around him and the sleeping figure. Attempting to not panic, he slowly released what he thought to be Barry in his arms, leaning as far back as he could without falling off the bed.

(Maybe?) Barry began reaching his (her? their?) arms out, seeking out the missing warmth that Len had provided. He attempted to breathe calmly through his nose and count to ten to get his bearings about him before he freaked the fuck out about waking up next to a woman.

Logically speaking (hah! Since when are meta-humans in a city logical? The man he fell asleep next to can zip around and time travel, hell, Len himself paraded about time and wore cheesy ass parkas and carried a glorified refrigerator gun, when is any of this shit going to make sense?) it had to be Barry. He fell asleep next to Barry and he was an incredibly light sleeper. With his childhood, he had to be.

Throughout the night, he didn’t feel Barry move unless it was to get closer to him.

Barry was also hit by some sort of strange power from a meta that they were attempting to interrogate. He knew that it warped Barry’s biology and that he was currently suffering the aftermath of that. But that still didn’t change how odd it was to see Barry’s beautiful, lithe body (with the perfect lines of muscle and taut skin that got Len’s motor going) replaced with something softer. Barry had curves now. And long hair, longer than Lisa’s.

What the fuck?

He really didn’t have the heart to wake Barry up, but he was silently freaking out. What should he do? Was Barry okay? Was it painful? Would things go back to normal? (No matter what appearance the speedster took, Len would always be interested in him, but that didn’t mean this situation wasn’t weird as fuck.)

He immediately thought to call Cisco.

Slowly, he shuffled out of bed and sifted his fingers through his clothes he tossed onto the floor the night before, tossing aside his shirt and grabbing his pants to retrieve his phone from the pocket. He walked into the hall and quickly called Cisco’s number, raising the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” an all too familiar voice asked.

Len had to take the phone away for a moment just to stare at it in disbelief. Please no, don’t let it be-

“Lisa?”

“...Lenny?” she sounded just as shocked as he felt.

“You know what, I really don’t want to know. Where’s Cisco? Something is wrong with Barry and I really need to talk to him.”

There was a shuffle on the other side and Cisco suddenly answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Cisco, Barry has… Well… His biology changed again,” Len tried finding the right words, still incredibly confused by the situation.

“Cold? Where are you? What are you doing with Barry?” Of course, the part where Len was at Barry’s apartment would be what causes Cisco to lose focus. Not the part where Len was trying to stay calm after waking up to a woman in bed with him.

“Having a slumber party, what do you think? How is this any different from why my sister is with you at,” he looked down at his wrist, “the ungodly hour of 7:00 in the damn morning?”

“...Touche… Okay, curiosity aside, can you tell me what you mean?”

So Len filled him in on the scene he woke up to this morning, rushing through the last part as he could hear Barry stirring and he didn’t want him to wake alone, especially not in the current state.

“Cisco, I have got to go. He’s waking up. I’ll bring him by the lab as soon as I can get some breakfast in him.”

And the line immediately went dead as he softly opened the door to Barry’s room and eased himself back in, eyes meeting the soft, inviting hazel that he had grown an attachment for, faltering slightly at the face they were in. It was slightly smaller and the edges were quite a bit softer. He could definitely tell it was Barry, but he looked so… Different. It made Len incredibly uncomfortable.

Barry’s face was home to a beautiful, life-changing smile. At least that hadn’t changed.

“Hey Len,” his voice was a couple octaves higher.

Immediately, his eyes flew open as his hands flew to his throat.

“Hey Scarlet… We’re uh… We’re not in Kansas anymore…?” he said awkwardly, trying to keep the conversation light and attempting to keep Barry calm.

He looked down at his body and let out a girlish scream that startled both men, quickly snatching up the sheet and covering his bare chest.

“What the fuck?!”


End file.
